Monday, November 24, 2008
We're unveiling a new logo for our weekly Petey bashing. I was thinking it's a bit offensive to Norm Peterson, so we apologize "Cheers" fans. But again, the point is there:
An alcoholic, unemployed, idiotic barfly could do a better job than good ole Petey. You'll notice a lot of venom and overzealous use of the work fuck. I apologize, but I think you'll understand.
Anyways, time to light the BBQ. This one from his overview of the weekend ("weekend of the QB"...)
Okay Petey, you're being ridiculous. You've got to be shitting me. If I'm to believe Tom Brady is a Super Bowl god (who you've slobbered over numerous times) then I submit what Peter wrote just before last year's Super Bowl:
...It's crazy and all-too-soon and slightly irreverent. But it is also unavoidable. Life is imitating art. The career path of Cassel is following Brady's. Brady's record after 11 games: 8-3. Cassel's: 7-4 -- and if the Pats had won the overtime coin flip a week ago Thursday, I bet those records would be the same. Brady's rating: 91.6. Cassel's: 90.5. Cassel leads Brady by 377 passing yards, thanks to Cassel's back-to-back 400-yard passing games. (Been on Mars? That's no misprint.) As for touchdowns, Brady leads Cassel by three...
...but he has thrown for more yards than Brett Favre this season (2,615 to 2,461) and for a higher passer rating than Peyton Manning (90.5 to 87.2) and for more yards per pass attempt than Eli Manning. The Patriots' system works, and it works wonders.
Tom Brady was a ref’s buried whistle and a stunning drop by Mr. Hands Wes Welker from being 28-for-28 the other night. Are we watching the best quarterback of all time in mid-career?...Yeah, I thought not. So is he the best of all time or a system QB? Maybe Cassel is just as good. Whatever, King pisses me off because of this sensationalist bullshit. I thought he was supposed to be fair and balanced (oops!).
And you thought the Eagles ranting was over?
Donovan McNabb looks awful. He's slow-footed, with severe accuracy issues (48-percent completions in his last 11 quarters), at the same time star running back Brian Westbrook is a shell of himself because of injuries, at the same time his best offensive lineman, guard Shawn Andrews, is out with a back injury, and at the same time his star tight end, L.J. Smith, is going through a Steve Sax-like slump catching the ball.Bah. Petey, have you watched the Eagles at all this season? Over the last few weeks, King's joined the Pravda parade to pile on McNabb and it's disgusting. Yes, McNabb's best weapon, best protection and the crucial (to the WCO) TE are all either injured or sucking (Smith sucks the big one). Yes, McNabb is the one who looks awful, and I'm not saying he's not killing the Eagles as well, but get a fucking clue before you pile on. Who makes the personnel and game plan decisions...yeah, you know who.
What? They're football gods now?
2. New York Jets (8-3). Biggest day in the history of New Jersey sports: The Jets versus the Giants in Tampa ... WITH SPRINGSTEEN AT HALFTIME.How the fuck are the Jets the second best (and best in the AFC) team in the NFL? Are you really picking them to win it all? Someone hold this man accountable after he already picked the Cowboys and Patriots for the big game just 2.5 months ago.
Also, Am I the only who's imagining Peter screaming like a little girl because he put "WITH SPRINGSTEEN AT HALFTIME" in all caps...fuckin' douche
No, that's not really that good.
Now this one isn't entirely Petey's fault but:
Offensive Players of the WeekOwens was so happy after they gave him the ball but...its the fucking 49ers. They're terrible. Nate Clements has no help and their pass defense is ranked 29th in the NFL. TO, you got the ball because their DBs suck ass not because you were open or you were due for such an amazing game. The offense worked well because the other team sucked. Why do players get rewarded (and lauded by the idiot media) for playing well against a craptastic team?
Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas. He asked for it, he got it. Inexplicably, the 49ers put about half the defensive pressure on Owens than he'd seen in recent weeks, and they paid for it. Owens, who'd blabbed to Deion Sanders during the week that he was still great and he just wasn't getting the ball enough, put up. His seven-catch, 213-yard day was vintage T.O.
I'll give you that one
He (Pittsbrugh DC Dick LeBeau) played pickup basketball at Ohio State with Bobby Knight, who has called LeBeau one of the 10 finest athletes he has encountered in his life.I wonder if Knight slapped him too?
Ummm? You still stink Peter
The Bad: Marriotts simply have to change their shampoo. On overnight trips I often don't bring my full toiletry kit, so I can skate through security and not check a bag. So I find myself using whatever shampoo is in the hotel. Marriotts have been using some Bath and Body Works girly shampoo for the past year or so, and when I get out of the shower, the perfume smell is revolting. Shampooing with soap is the only option -- a grotesque one, but a necessary evil now -- to avoid smelling like a woman.
Can't you put no-smell or low-smell shampoo in the rooms, Mr. Marriott? I know you'll scoff at the toiletries in Hampton Inns, but the freebie Purity shampoo there, relatively scentless, is the way to go.
Wait, you just bitched about the hotel room shampoo? And your editor actually okayed this? This is what you'd like to present to your male 18-35 year old age group; a story about how girly the shampoo at the Marriott is? Maybe they were just confused by the man-tits?
10 things I thought Peter King would shut the hell up about...
Think you've had a busy time at work recently? What about this 11-day stretch for CBS/YES Network/Westwood One Radio play-by-play man Ian Eagle, ending Sunday in Miami:You're not. You just write these shitty articles I read and make fun of. I think it's harder for me personally.
Nov. 13, Jets-Patriots, radio, in Foxboro; Nov. 14, Hawks-Nets, TV, in New Jersey; Nov. 16, Raiders-Dolphins, TV, in Miami; Nov. 17, Browns-Bills, radio, in Buffalo; Nov. 20, Bengals-Steelers, radio, in Pittsburgh; Nov. 21, Nets-Raptors, TV, in Toronto; Nov. 23, Bills-Chiefs, TV, in Kansas City.
And I thought I was busy.
h. Thanksgiving Night in Philadelphia. I'm sure the crowd's going to be in a giving mood. Giving a certain finger, most likely...Yeah, that's fuckin' right...
And I think we've got it. Again, I'm not going to award half points or anything, so I will just be picking the category the player falls closest to. Points won't be awarded if the player leaves the team and succeeds elsewhere.
- 0 points = Never played an NFL game (regulation)
- 1 point = played at least 1 year at NFL level, special teamer or spot duty
- 2 points = backup or role player, multiple years with team
- 3 points = Starter or flexible career level backup/jack of all trades
- 4 points = Starter, star, pro-bowler, team leader dependent on level of players on other teams, clutch factors and other teammates
- 5 points = all-pro, multiple pro-bowls, star, team leader, etc
- 3s will be awarded on extra point if they are drafted on the 2nd day (4th through 7th, I'm counting 3rds as first day for the purpose of this, since the rule has only been in effect for one year).
- 4s will be awarded 2 points for being drafted in the 2nd day
- 5s will be awarded 3 points for being drafted in the 4th or 5th round and 4 points for 6th or 7th.
- 0s drafted on the first day will receive a -1
- 1s drafted in the 1st or 2nd round will receive a -1, -2 if they're top 15
- 2s drafted in the first round will receive a -1, -2 if they're top 10
- 3s drafted in the top 10 will receive a -1
Trading down on the other hand will result in multiple scores for the same round and will be the only time you can score multiple times for the same round. I.e. Team X trades their late 1st round pick for an early 2nd and 5th to Team Y. Team X will be scored for both first rounders (which aren't really eligible for bonus points and really only bonus losses) and Team Y will be scored for the higher pick and round out the even one with the goal of only accounting for 7 picks per team per year. So trading down allows a team to collect bonus points if its worth it and trading up provides a team with a better hit rate (ideally). Now I know I'll miss some trades so you'll have to bear with me and point out errors as you see them (much appreciated).
If you have any suggestions for scoring, please use the comments. I hope to have Fat Andy up soon enough and we'll go from there. I, much like all of you, are anticipating a busy week, so we may not see more than one other draft till next week.
But it should be fun.
As a sports fan, I really try to attend/view/embrace numerous sporting events. If you haven't gathered already, I'm a casual to interested NCAA Hockey fan (brought on by my Alma Mater), I enjoy the occasional Boxing Match (definitely a casual fan) and I will watch the World Cup when it gets to a National broadcast level.
Which brings me to my weekend where I watched #6 Northeastern defeat #13 New Hampshire 3-2 (NU went on to a 4 point weekend, beating UMass-Lowell 4-3 Saturday, while UNH salvaged 2 points by beating Providence 4-3). Then Saturday I took in the Hatton-Malignaggi fight which Hatton soundly whipped Malignaggi to a 8 round TKO. Amongst the entertaining moments was Ricky Hatton walking to the ring (afterall "There's only oooonnnneee Ricky Hatton, ooooooonnnneee Ricky Hatton") in a fat suit (mocking the discussion over him losing 40 pounds in order to get into the fight) and Malignaggi being significantly upset over having his trainer throw in the towel, even though, without constantly grabbing Hatton, he would have been knocked out, if not seriously hurt.
And it culminated Sunday, when a buddy and I attended Survivor Series in Boston. Yeah, that's right, we went to a pro-wrestling event. I called it "getting in touch with my inner 13 year old." I know what some of you will say; my only advice is, until you just accept the fact that its fake, and then sit back and enjoy, you really don't know. Its certainly athletic. Its theatric. Its entertainment. And frankly, it was cheaper for us to attend the event than actually order in on PPV...so we went. A quick rundown:
- The three Survivor Series matches were okay (and really just okay).
- Team Shawn Michaels defeated Team JBL in the first match. It was about par for the course and really predictable.
- Team Randy Orton defeated Team Batista. Actually what it came down to was Batista kicking everyone's ass after his team sucked balls. Orton won with some bullshit trickery...I don't get it, how do these referees only notice the good guys trying to cheat. Seriously, I know its fake, but at least put a little effort in.
- The Diva match was meh. There's basically 6 hot Divas and 4 Uggos. And letting the Uggos battle it out near the end was bullshit. No one wants to see them. I don't get some wrestling fans who cheer for some of these women. I really don't give a shit if they're good at wrestling...so leave those women to do...whatever it is they do and just let the hot ones show their goods.
- The Casket Match featuring the Big Show and The Undertaker was really crappy to start with. Then, as the Big Show appeared to have enough, he flipped the casket over and began to walk away. The Undertaker used his dark magic (read: pyrotechnics) to keep the Big Show close to the entrance stage, had another casket brought out and ended the match by tossing the Big Show into a standing casket, knocking it over and causing the door to shut; ending the match and declaring the Undertaker the winner.
- The Triple H - Vladimir Kozlov match just plain sucked. It was slow and boring, which is typical of Kozlov matches (he just doesn't have it. He's supposed to be a heel, but no one really cares. I booed him because the match sucked and there were chants of "boring" during the match). Originally the match was scheduled to be a triple threat and include Jeff Hardy, but he was announced to be out of the match at the beginning of the evening. Now what I didn't get was WWE announced that according to "TMZ and ABC News Boston" Jeff Hardy will not be wrestling tonight. How does that work. Does WWE need to consult real news services to confirm their fake news? So as the match is going on and both Triple H and Kozlov and on the mat, the "Smackdown" GM Vicki Guerrero walks out and announces that it will be a triple threat and introduces Edge as the third opponent. How the hell does this work? After those two beat the shit out of each other, then Edge gets to fight. Who condones this shit? So then of course Edge runs in and beats everyone up. So now, the crowd, who's been calling for Hardy the entire match, gets their wish and Hardy runs in to disrupt the whole thing. First he clubs Edge with a few fists, then he grabs a chair, nails Kozlov and then goes after Edge and Triple H. Edge ducks, Triple H gets hammered and Edge spears Hardy. He then goes on to pin Triple H and is declared the New Champ.
- And finally, the awaited title match between Chris Jericho and John Cena. Now, another thing I never got is why in the WWE that the order of entrances is always discombobulated. In any legit event, the Champ always comes out last, but in WWE, its always the guy who would get the biggest ovation (or boos, but biggest reaction). Now, I get why, but it still pisses me off; the idea is to give off the appearence that the show is "real." Its called acting. Also, Chris Jericho looks like a rooster with the haircut. The match was entertaining and the crowd was pulling for Cena (he's from Newton, about a half hour from Boston). Cena pulled off the win in his comeback fashion and was declared the champion.
- DMtShooter of EC gives the Eagles fans some options. The torches are lit in Philadelphia and the potential Phillies Honeymoon for fellow franchises appears to be over...in like 3 weeks.
- In a stunner, Andy Reid pulled Donovan McNabb in the 2nd half of a must win game. Look, I know he played pretty poorly, but at least he was only 10-7. Who gives you a better chance to win, McNabb or an untest (essentially) rookie QB against the best defense in the league. Seriously, the torches are lit.
- Ok, so they beat the Titans. I'm sorry, but the Jets are not the best team in the AFC.
- After toying with a possible signing with the Bobcats, it appears as though Antonio McDyess will return to the Pistons next month.
- Chad Billingsly is injured. Seriously, this just happened. Injuries are always bad, but the timing here is about as good as it gets.
- The guy who beat up Jose Canseco has not set his sights on Andy Reid.
- Let it go Terrell, Let it go...
- Keep an eye on the Rule 5 draft. Generally, its a lot of forgettable names and questionable choices, but keep in mind, players like Shane Victorino can be had for nothing. This is the type of movement that can shape teams in October.
- And finally, I'm just linking this for the picture, but yes when the coach says "grab anything" he's fuckin' serious.