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Monday, November 24, 2008

Again, the MMBBQ (11/24/08)



We're unveiling a new logo for our weekly Petey bashing. I was thinking it's a bit offensive to Norm Peterson, so we apologize "Cheers" fans. But again, the point is there:

An alcoholic, unemployed, idiotic barfly could do a better job than good ole Petey. You'll notice a lot of venom and overzealous use of the work fuck. I apologize, but I think you'll understand.

Anyways, time to light the BBQ. This one from his overview of the weekend ("weekend of the QB"...)

Now this stat is eerie: After Tom Brady's first 11 starts in the NFL, his completion percentage was 66.3. After Matt Cassel's 11 NFL games this season, his completion percentage is ... well, 66.3...

...It's crazy and all-too-soon and slightly irreverent. But it is also unavoidable. Life is imitating art. The career path of Cassel is following Brady's. Brady's record after 11 games: 8-3. Cassel's: 7-4 -- and if the Pats had won the overtime coin flip a week ago Thursday, I bet those records would be the same. Brady's rating: 91.6. Cassel's: 90.5. Cassel leads Brady by 377 passing yards, thanks to Cassel's back-to-back 400-yard passing games. (Been on Mars? That's no misprint.) As for touchdowns, Brady leads Cassel by three...

...but he has thrown for more yards than Brett Favre this season (2,615 to 2,461) and for a higher passer rating than Peyton Manning (90.5 to 87.2) and for more yards per pass attempt than Eli Manning. The Patriots' system works, and it works wonders.

Okay Petey, you're being ridiculous. You've got to be shitting me. If I'm to believe Tom Brady is a Super Bowl god (who you've slobbered over numerous times) then I submit what Peter wrote just before last year's Super Bowl:
was a ref’s buried whistle and a stunning drop by Mr. Hands from being 28-for-28 the other night. Are we watching the best quarterback of all time in mid-career?...
Yeah, I thought not. So is he the best of all time or a system QB? Maybe Cassel is just as good. Whatever, King pisses me off because of this sensationalist bullshit. I thought he was supposed to be fair and balanced (oops!).

And you thought the Eagles ranting was over?
Donovan McNabb looks awful. He's slow-footed, with severe accuracy issues (48-percent completions in his last 11 quarters), at the same time star running back Brian Westbrook is a shell of himself because of injuries, at the same time his best offensive lineman, guard Shawn Andrews, is out with a back injury, and at the same time his star tight end, L.J. Smith, is going through a Steve Sax-like slump catching the ball.
Bah. Petey, have you watched the Eagles at all this season? Over the last few weeks, King's joined the Pravda parade to pile on McNabb and it's disgusting. Yes, McNabb's best weapon, best protection and the crucial (to the WCO) TE are all either injured or sucking (Smith sucks the big one). Yes, McNabb is the one who looks awful, and I'm not saying he's not killing the Eagles as well, but get a fucking clue before you pile on. Who makes the personnel and game plan decisions...yeah, you know who.

What? They're football gods now?
2. New York Jets (8-3). Biggest day in the history of New Jersey sports: The Jets versus the Giants in Tampa ... WITH SPRINGSTEEN AT HALFTIME.
How the fuck are the Jets the second best (and best in the AFC) team in the NFL? Are you really picking them to win it all? Someone hold this man accountable after he already picked the Cowboys and Patriots for the big game just 2.5 months ago.

Also, Am I the only who's imagining Peter screaming like a little girl because he put "WITH SPRINGSTEEN AT HALFTIME" in all caps...fuckin' douche

No, that's not really that good.

Now this one isn't entirely Petey's fault but:
Offensive Players of the Week
Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas. He asked for it, he got it. Inexplicably, the 49ers put about half the defensive pressure on Owens than he'd seen in recent weeks, and they paid for it. Owens, who'd blabbed to Deion Sanders during the week that he was still great and he just wasn't getting the ball enough, put up. His seven-catch, 213-yard day was vintage T.O.
Owens was so happy after they gave him the ball but...its the fucking 49ers. They're terrible. Nate Clements has no help and their pass defense is ranked 29th in the NFL. TO, you got the ball because their DBs suck ass not because you were open or you were due for such an amazing game. The offense worked well because the other team sucked. Why do players get rewarded (and lauded by the idiot media) for playing well against a craptastic team?

I'll give you that one
He (Pittsbrugh DC Dick LeBeau) played pickup basketball at Ohio State with Bobby Knight, who has called LeBeau one of the 10 finest athletes he has encountered in his life.
I wonder if Knight slapped him too?

Ummm? You still stink Peter

The Bad: Marriotts simply have to change their shampoo. On overnight trips I often don't bring my full toiletry kit, so I can skate through security and not check a bag. So I find myself using whatever shampoo is in the hotel. Marriotts have been using some Bath and Body Works girly shampoo for the past year or so, and when I get out of the shower, the perfume smell is revolting. Shampooing with soap is the only option -- a grotesque one, but a necessary evil now -- to avoid smelling like a woman.

Can't you put no-smell or low-smell shampoo in the rooms, Mr. Marriott? I know you'll scoff at the toiletries in Hampton Inns, but the freebie Purity shampoo there, relatively scentless, is the way to go.

Ok...

Wait, you just bitched about the hotel room shampoo? And your editor actually okayed this? This is what you'd like to present to your male 18-35 year old age group; a story about how girly the shampoo at the Marriott is? Maybe they were just confused by the man-tits?

10 things I thought Peter King would shut the hell up about...
Think you've had a busy time at work recently? What about this 11-day stretch for CBS/YES Network/Westwood One Radio play-by-play man Ian Eagle, ending Sunday in Miami:

Nov. 13, Jets-Patriots, radio, in Foxboro; Nov. 14, Hawks-Nets, TV, in New Jersey; Nov. 16, Raiders-Dolphins, TV, in Miami; Nov. 17, Browns-Bills, radio, in Buffalo; Nov. 20, Bengals-Steelers, radio, in Pittsburgh; Nov. 21, Nets-Raptors, TV, in Toronto; Nov. 23, Bills-Chiefs, TV, in Kansas City.

And I thought I was busy.

You're not. You just write these shitty articles I read and make fun of. I think it's harder for me personally.

And finally...
h. Thanksgiving Night in Philadelphia. I'm sure the crowd's going to be in a giving mood. Giving a certain finger, most likely...
Yeah, that's fuckin' right...

3 comments:

Tom said...

Great stuff, Jut- and yes, people do read this. Well, at least one person does.

Cheezer said...

I like this. I gotta remember to come back weekly

Cheezer said...

"Owens was so happy after they gave him the ball but...its the fucking 49ers. They're terrible. Nate Clements has no help and their pass defense is ranked 29th in the NFL. TO, you got the ball because their DBs suck ass not because you were open or you were due for such an amazing game. The offense worked well because the other team sucked. Why do players get rewarded (and lauded by the idiot media) for playing well against a craptastic team?"

Exactly. So King is right. Vintage TO. Having a great game against a terrible team. That what TO does best.

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