Mark Madsen’s 2001 Lakers Parade Speech: An Analytical Breakdown

Yes, this qualifies as the B.N.B. sort-of related to sports video of the day. Yes, it may be a little old. Yes, it is absolutely hilarious. And yes, it’s a little late for a daily video, so what -- wanna fight about it?

Anyway, if you’ve read any of my Real Sporting World articles, you know I have a strange fascination with Mark “The Mad Dog” Madsen. I’m guilty of poking fun at him from time to time but really, I respect the man for being himself. He is 110% always the Mad Dog that is Mark Madsen, even if he does often make people doubt that he’s actually a real living human being. He is folks, he is that and more.

If you’ve never heard of Mark Madsen, he is a professional basketball player best known for his bench cheering skills and the unparalleled intensity he exhibits when tossed into a game. Whether or not these things have anything to do with the fact that he’s averaged 12.0 minutes per game for his career (seriously, become a believer: Here). But although one might first notice that the Mad Dog has averaged 2.2 points per game or 0.4 assists is the intangibles he brings to the table. Not only will Madsen give you his all on the court, but he’ll give you his all on the bench as well.

You also might know him best from his Lakers days, because that is when he was most relevant. I’ve taken it upon myself to remind the world of the legend that is Mark Madsen whenever I can, and I figured why not feature him in the BNB video of the day? But what video to pick, fore there are so, so many! Then it dawned on me. His legendary speech at the 2001 Lakers Championship Parade. Following the speech is an analytical breakdown, because although it’s pretty straight forward, I knew it would be a blast to do. Enjoy.



(Note: I’ve broken the common trend of how many actual seconds each clip is into the video and replaced it with what it says on the You tube player as you play it. There’s no math involved and as we all know, everybody wins when that‘s the case.)

0:01 - The speech extravaganza host begins his introduction. He pretty much gets it spot on. Even though you’ve already probably heard it, I’ll post what is said for our speaker impaired readers (with my comments in italics in between quotes for the rest of the post):

“Out of the University of Stanford or Stanford University if you like..” This announcer is on his game, he’s attempting to please every possible person who could be at this parade. Well done.

“He was an honor student..” Not surprising.

“He is a crowd favorite..” Also not surprising.

“Didn’t play very much but when he played, he played with an intensity that no other Laker prob--ever exceeded.” Whoever this announcer is, I like him. He doesn’t sugar coat anything, he aims to please and he isn’t afraid to make bold statements if it’s true. He goes to say ‘..no other Laker probably’ but immediately corrects himself because he knows there is no other nominees in the intensity category if Mark Madsen is involved. Bravo!

“He’s the guy who went and picked the other guys’ laundry up and brought it to their rooms. He’s the guy who carried their bags from the hotel lobby up to their rooms.” By other guys’ the announcer means Kobe Bryant. After the bag part, he realizes he’s beginning to downplay the Mad Dog and boos are heard. A professional, he quickly realizes this and spouts:

“That’s enough.” I’m beginning to like this announcer even more than I like Mark Madsen if that’s even possible.

“Mark Madsen!” A thunderous applause is heard. A couple boos as well, but they’re drowned out -- probably due to the fact that whoever was booing was promptly beaten. Dumb asses. Okay, they’re not drowned out completely, but still. This is in Los Angeles! There’s probably some renegade Kings, Warriors and Clippers fans littered throughout the crowd. Yeah, that’s it.


0:38 - The Mad Dog is officially at the microphone at this point. He raises his patented number one finger and thanks the crowd, completely oblivious to the booing. Madsen knows these people are either a) jealous he’s not on there team or b) too drunk to remember when he played that year -- so it’s all good.

“Thank you!” The man is the definition of class.

0:40 - Madsen pauses to let the thank you sink in then offers,

“You are the greatest fans in the world!” Okay, I think we can all agree that this is a blatant lie -- but that isn’t stopping Mark from making it appear and sound as if he sincerely believes this. A maniacal Mad Dog grin completes the whole thing. Not only does he give you 110% on the court and bench, but the man gives it all in the P.R. department as well. Lakers fans the greatest in the world? Haha! Good stuff Mark, I nominate you for an Emmy!

0:43 - Still holding up the number one sign, Mark keeps grinning and let’s what he just said sink in. The man’s a genius. Even Lakers fans know they’re not the greatest in the world, but scream it at a pep rally and let it sink in for a few seconds. ‘Hey, we might just be the greatest fans in the world! Sure, half of the people with Laker flags on their cars wouldn’t be able to name who we played in the Finals -- but who cares! We’re the best in the wooooooooorld!’

0:45 - Madsen punctuates this thinking with a roaring,

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!” P.R. Genius.

0:47 - He pauses again then shouts,

“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!?!” This has absolutely nothing to do with the Lakers team, unless they played this during the season. Which wouldn’t surprise me, but I doubt it. I think it has to do with his nickname more than anything. Yes, I thought of that myself. Regardless, Madsen proves here that he's topical. The man knows what’s in style and he’s aware of his nickname. What more could you want from your 13th man?

0:54 - After a couple of woofs, some expressed bliss when the crowd barks back Madsen gets our bilingual friends involved,

“And for those who speak Spanish: ‘Les hablababes vamos ingles da dimos, que ano benenay, loremos, otra PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!’” Yes, I butchered the shit out of that but the accuracy is not the point. The man prepped his speech with a bit for the Spanish speaking Lakers fans. Nothing needs to be said here, only that is just amazing.

1:08 - Everyone goes wild. I wish I knew what that meant, or maybe everyone is just going wild because it was so out of the blue, legendary and fantastic. Madsen backs from the podium with hands raised, high-fiving his teammates as the crowd goes nuts. Absolutely nuts. Where are the booers now? Huh? Can’t boo someone who just spoke Spanish for no reason, can you?

1:23 - As the crowd goes nuts, the host (?) appears back at the podium with a simple,

“No wonder they call him the Mad Dog.” Indeed. Never before has a nickname fit someone so incredibly well. The man truly is a mad dog. In a good way, of course.

1:28 - Our host concludes with a quick summation of the man as a whole,

“Isn’t he something, and he’s so sincere. Just a great guy.” Say what you want about his intensity, lack of minutes and cheerleader-esque attitude -- but the man wears his heart on his sleeve and he gives 110% no matter what. For that, I applaud you Mark Madsen and I always will. I mean, hey, anyone who can cheer on Kobe Bryant and look like he enjoys must be a great person.

1:33 - The video ends with a shot of Madsen smiling and then putting his head down. Humble. Humble as pie.

What have we learned in this journey? Well, for one -- we’ve learned that Mark Madsen is the man. Two, we’ve learned that sometimes sports biggest stars don’t make their mark by putting up gaudy numbers or winning MVP awards. Sometimes, they leave their mark with effort, being a good teammate and failing to let money affect who they are.

We’ve also learned that Mark Madsen belongs on a particular NBA team where he could make the most impact and be appreciated when doing so. Have you guessed it yet? Come on, think a little harder.. A hint? You seriously want a hint?

They play on the East Coast.

No not the Seattle Supersonics, that‘s the West Coast, dimwit. Think. Another hint? Wow.

They have a player on the team known for giving 110% all the time as well.

The Miami Heat? I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. Fine, here’s one last one.

The nickname rhymes with 'Meltics'.

That’s right! Your a quick one! The Boston Celtics! In addition to actual basketball talent, they have career bench guys like James Posey (who‘s also talented at basketball to be fair), Brian Scalabrine and Eddie House’s kid! It’s a perfect fit!

Not only have you gotten a refresher course on Mark Madsen as a person, but you’ve also just read the birth piece to a movement designed to get Mark Madsen on the 2009 Boston Celtics roster! A petition’s on the way!

The Real Sporting World, Episode Five: Make it Rain!

Clips are shown from the last few episodes, culminating in the fact that the lie detector test and Clemens’ replacement are both taking place tonight. In a surprising twist, instead of showing each lie detector test in full, clips are shown of certain questions to our athletes in a montage. Some playful, circus music is playing in the background. Hey, the producers aren’t going to win any awards for this show, but they try! The fun starts off with an opening shot of McBeam.

McBeam: “Okay, after you give the answer to your question -- it will either emit a short low beep if you told the truth, or an obnoxious, fire alarm-esque siren if you lied. So it would behoove you tell the truth.” He starts laughing. Has he already started consuming his Jim Beam?

McBeam: “This is from Doug, who hails from Dover, Delaware. He wants to know, ‘Will you please stop doing so many commercials?’”

Peyton: “Never.” A short beep is heard. What a shocker.

McBeam: “Tom, this ones from Becky from Montpiliar, Vermont. ‘In all seriousness, how many times do you look in the mirror each day?’”

Brady: “Uhh..” He frowns, knowing he has to tell the truth. “I dunno, fifteen -- twenty times?” A short beep confirms our worst fears. Or most passionate desires.

McBeam: “Mark, no one at all submitted a question for you -- so we made one up ourselves: ‘Do you take any kind of medication?’”

Madsen: “Only the medication of the love for basketball!” He raises his hands, completely oblivious to the obnoxious fire alarm sound that informs everyone that was just a lie. “I LOVE BASKETBALL BABY, WOO!”

In between the montage, a silhouette is shown of someone approaching the Real Sporting World House. Could it be Clemens replacement? And why so quickly?

McBeam: “David from Chi-Town, USA wants to know LaDainian: ‘How much does Vizio pay you to pimp their product?’”

LaDainian: “What is that supposed to mean?” He frowns. “They don’t pay me anything! They don’t need too!” A short beep confirms what we’ve all known all along: L.T. just loves him some Vizio’s!

The silhouette is shown opening up the door of the house.

McBeam: “Okay, A-Rod. You ready?” The door can be heard opening. “Oh! Our replacement for Roger is here already!”

Peyton: “Wait, already?”

McBeam: “Yes, we actually have another place nearby that houses six other potential replacement athletes. I can’t tell you who they are though -- but your about to learn who one of them is.”

Brady: “Who’s the producer of this show? Is he alright?”

The camera cuts to the front door of the house, showing it slowly open. It reveals:

Pacman Jones!

Pacman: “What up, pimps!?”

He’s smoking what appears to be a large cigar.

McBeam: “Welcome Pacman!” He scurries over to try and shake his hand. Is McBeam a Cowboys fan?

Pacman: “Yo! Step the fuck back, PUPPET!” He points at McBeam.

McBeam: “Pacman, it’s cool -- I’m the host!”

Pacman: “I said step back!” He starts stepping towards McBeam.

McBeam: “Okay, fine, fine!” He starts backing up.

Pacman grabs a lamp from a nearby table and charges our mascot. He smashes Steely in the face several times. The show’s producers make a note to change this to a TV-MA program.

Pacman: “WHAT?! WHAT NOW!?” Several other housemates run over to peel him off of Steely. “I WARNED YOU PUPPET!” He’s pointing at Steely, very much bullshit. Steely is unconscious where he was beaten. Whether it was the lamp upside the face a couple times, his Jim Beam consumption, or a mixture of the two, the athlete’s love of Steely is shown by nearly everyone crowding around him. Everyone except Mad Dog.

Madsen: “Yo Pacman! THANK YOU! I HATED THAT PUPPET!” He offers a high-five to Pacman, who looks at him as if he was a strip club without booze.

Pacman: “STEP BACK!” He points at Madsen. A random person clad in black suddenly appears. He is seen escorting Pacman away with various, MMA type skills. The ruckus dies down once the legend is gone. The camera cuts back into the lie detector montage.

McBeam: “Manny, Jose from Costa Rica would like to know: ‘Plantains or flan? What is the better breakfast?’”

Manny: “He crazy! Everyone know is FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!” He points at the ceiling, grinning.

McBeam: “Okay A-Rod, Doug from the Bronx, NY would like to know: ‘Why are you infecting my team with your fakely intense, I‘m not gay but act it lifestyle!! GO BACK TO SEATTLE!!’”

A-Rod: “Wait, what was the question?”

McBeam: “Okay, Pau -- no one knew we’d be asking you questions so like Mad Dog, we thought up some for you by ourselves. What planet are you from? Seriously..”

Gasol: “Whatever planet milord came from, I am from also. It is the way of the universe.”

The camera cuts to a shot of Gasol being escorted out of the house. Kobe wipes his brow.

McBeam: “Kobe, Michaela from Champagne, Illinois would like to know: ‘Is your favorite color baby blue?’”

Kobe: “Damn right it is!” He shrugs, as if this was the dumbest question ever. Hm.. fishy.

The camera cuts to Steely being taken from the house on a stretcher. Once he’s gone, our athletes stand around like a bunch of dumb asses for a bit -- until Mad Dog begins to run towards the basement.

Madsen: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOZEEEEE!!”

Everyone smiles. Was that a bonding moment we just witnessed?

The cheesy, end of the show reality music plays, followed by a big drum sound and a preview of next week.

Next week on the Real Sporting World: Will McBeam be back as our well beloved host? Is Pacman seriously a real person? Who will replace Clemens/Pacman’s spot and is it a cursed position? You’ll have to wait and see, next week on The Real Sporting World!