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Monday, December 15, 2008

Indisputable Evidence: Peter King is Still a Moron - MMBBQ (12/15/08)

Petey provides his insight on the play this weekend involving the Steelers and Ravens, his steps back from his Super Bowl picks (as recent as 2 weeks ago), and his Fine 15 is finely unreadable. Let's fire up the grill and get ready for another MMBBQ
The Giants and Titans don't look like Super Bowl locks anymore. And Jeff Fisher has some 'splainin' to do.
Rocket Science right there. Yes, consecutive losses for teams' with the two best records in the NFL has a way of doing that...
The most controversial play since ... well, since the Tuck Rule
Both these teams will most likely make the playoffs and both teams might actually be the best (and second best) in the conference and while this game had some bearing on playoff position and the season, its fairly hard to compare it to a game that involved the playoffs themselves and arguably the start of a dynasty...ok, ok, Walt Coleman was involved in both, so there's some commonality
The magnitude of the play can't be overstated. If the play is upheld, it's fourth-and-three-inches, and Mike Tomlin has the biggest call of his coaching career to make -- go for the touchdown to win the game, knowing he might end up turning it over on downs, or kick the gimme field goal and play for overtime. A Pittsburgh win would clinch the division title. A Baltimore win would tie the two mortal enemies with two weeks to go.
Again? Really? See above? I know its a big difference, but this game was all about the difference between the 2 and 5/6 seed in the playoffs...not loser goes home.

Look at what this team (the Steelers) has done since Week 4, all with Roethlisberger playing despite a wounded shoulder: Survived a 15-round fight with Baltimore at home to win 23-20 ... won a slightly less physical game at Jacksonville the next week, 26-21, beating the team that had beaten them twice in a month in Pittsburgh last winter ... lost to the Giants at home, in part because of long-snapper problems ... impaled the Redskins in Washington at a time when the Redskins had won six of seven ... played the only game they really wish they could take back, losing 24-20 to Indy on two Roethlisberger picks in the final five minutes ... had the strange 11-10 slugfest with San Diego ... won at Foxboro by 23 in a combo platter of Patriots mistakes and physical dominance ... got a gift against Dallas in a game the Cowboys absolutely had to have ... and won a game Ray Lewis and Ed Reed will never forget in one of the most physical games you'll ever see.

So the Steelers are 11-3. They've had their share of good fortune, but to be 11-3 against that schedule is to be 13-1 or 14-0 against most other schedules.

Or they can be 7-7 (or maybe 8-6) if all those plays start not going there way. What? I suppose you think they beat Philly in a game where the Eagles got real (reeeeaaalll) physical and owned Ben Roethlisberger? Or you blame the Giants loss on a bad snap, but forget the drive involved after said bad snap (and safety) which resulted in the win? Or the Cowboys game...ok, ya got me there.

The not so "Fine 15" - Where Petey gives us some head scratchers...

Let's review some highlights from Petey's Fine 15 during 11/23/08 , a mere three weeks ago...
1. New York Giants (10-1). Over the last four weeks, the Giants have scored 35, 36, 30 and 37, all against teams in the top 10 in the NFL in total defense -- Dallas (8), Philadelphia (6), Baltimore (2), Arizona (10). Not trying to be too gee-whiz here, but exactly who is going to stop this team?
Answer: Philadelphia and 10 defenses
2. New York Jets (8-3). Biggest day in the history of New Jersey sports: The Jets versus the Giants in Tampa ... WITH SPRINGSTEEN AT HALFTIME.
Bwahahahahahaha...Let's check Peter's 12/15 version:
"What? The Texans at No. 15 over the Jets and Cards, two division leaders? No question."
Yep, from #2 to lower than 15...
6. Philadelphia (7-5-1). I'll bet you $1,000 that Donovan McNabb howled uproariously over the T.O. hijinks last week. Several times.
Wait till the postgame quotes come out...then I'll give you my address Peter...

Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note...thus Suggesting Petey is a Moron

Friday afternoon, Montclair, N.J., four-way stop, and I'm at the western stop sign. I have the right of way. No car is at either the north or south stop sign, and a blue Maxima approaches the stop sign across from me. you're at a four-way stop and some dude is across from you...what, nothing about the weather? Was there a fucking glare too? And you have the right of way by what virtue? Being Peter King?
I know I'm at a dead stop because I have to shift the car back into first gear, which I do only when the car is stopped.
Ah...that's how you knew...

No? Okay, I gotta say it. Seriously, what the fuck? You knew you were at a dead stop because you had to shift the car into first gear (in order to go, I'm assuming?). Not because of something you weren't moving?

I proceed straight into the intersection, and the Maxima, which only slowed down and never came close to stopping, turns left, in front of me, with no signal. Now, we can count the traffic tickets right there on three fingers -- stopping at a stop sign, not signaling on a turn and I think there's also a statute about really ticking me off. So I lean on my horn and the guy driving the Maxima waves me off. Like: You didn't really expect me to stop there, did you?

Now, I'm not a DMV guru or anything but...I really couldn't find anything about failing to use turn signals being a "ticketable" offense (maybe there is?). And while rolling stops are indeed illegal, but about as common as "speeders" doing 60 in a 55..."Really ticking me off?" - Yeah nothing there.

But what I didn't get was, Peter claimed to have the right of way and claimed the guy moved right in front of him, but at no point mentioned which way he was going or even if he was signalling...
I'm a bit of a driving hypocrite because I do my share of law-breaking driving. But I've always thought that these municipalities struggling so mightily with reduced budgets could make big dough by simply posting unmarked police cars around town and pinching drivers for rolling through stop signs and going 43 in a 25-mph zone. It might even make people drive the way they're supposed to.
But the biggest travesty? Its a fucking traffic incident that happens...I'd guess a couple thousand times a day throughout this country...yeah, thousands. In fact I'm pretty sure I saw this happen twice today. If that's the most aggrevating thing to happen in the travels of a major sports columnist, then I'd imagine that's a damn fine week...ugh

The NFL has final say over the games flexed to Sunday night in Weeks 11 through 16 ... and the NFL has absolute say over the final Sunday night game of the year, in Week 17.

I preface this by acknowledging that I am employed by NBC, the beneficiary of the potential to change the late-season schedule, so you rightfully should look at this and say, "Of course King's going to empathize with the concept of flex scheduling and pay homage to powerful Lord Ebersol. It's helping to pay King's massively bloated salary.'' And you'd be right, sort of. So skip over the section if you don't want to read my propaganda about how good flex scheduling is for the football fan from Orono to Oxnard.

Mmmm...He pretty much said it all right there. Hmmm: Massively bloated salary? Propoganda? Yeah, pretty much all covered.

10 Things I Think Prove Peter is a Moron...
a. The excessive reverence for the Heisman Trophy by ESPN had me wretching up my pork chop Saturday night. Did Jesus win the Heisman? Moses? Abraham Lincoln?
That's not fair, it didn't exist until 1935...dick...
f. Why does every announcer say "football game'' instead of "game'' or "field'' or "player'' over and over and over in the same sound bite? We know the sport is football. Does Joe Buck say, "The Cubs are playing a heck of a baseball game on this baseball field?'' Does Mike Breen say, "This is a basketball game for the ages, and these basketball players out on that basketball floor will remember it forever?''
i. Best new uniforms in the league this year: the all-red jobs of the Texans. Bob McNair should make them Houston's home unis.
As in these? Ok...
3. I think you won't find me paying much attention to the Pro Bowl when the rosters are announced Tuesday afternoon. The game hasn't had meaning for a long time, but now, ever player wants to make the team and no team wants to play in the game. Too many players treat it as a nuisance, not an honor.
Mostly because it is...
b. I believe in Kyle Orton.
So, you're the one...
a. Why, oh why, if you're a politician in Illinois do you think you're getting away with anything big? Assuming this latest idiot goes to jail, that makes it four of the past eight Illinois governors who would have been imprisoned.
As opposed to North Dakotan politicians who think they can get away with anything?
b. Jim Carrey is the new Adam Sandler. He makes a gazillion dollars starring in movies we don't want to see.
And you write articles that suck ass but still get thousands of hits...
c. Except the remake of The Longest Yard, of course. The greatest movie of all time.
That can't be serious...
f. Coffeenerdness: Did an exclusive interview with Marv Albert last night about his coffee habits. Turns out he likes three double-tall cappuccinos a day, and doesn't mind drinking them at room temperature.
Really, I'd expect something with a little more dum cha...
g. I have to get a life now.
Hahahahaha. Point taken...

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