David Wright Follows A-Rod's Gravy Train

This one, fresh out of the New York Post (quality publication that it is):

Apparently, Davey Boy was using his boyish charm during his "Do the 'Wright' Thing" charitable campaign when he was overtaken by a pack of "cougars."

And by cougars we do indeed mean middle-aged woman who "Middle-age women with bad '80s hair." According tot The Post, the women "were practically pushing down little kids who were trying to get baseballs signed."

During the tirade, Wright was heard exclaiming: "Ladies, calm down! Please, relax."

Balls to you sir. More 40 year old ass is what A-Rod Approves!