It's Spring Again... F@ck!

This is a new column called "Manny Stiles' Gratuitous Pondiferications of the imitation brand emoticon "f@ck"

I call it:

Manny Stiles' Gratuitous Pondiferications of the Imitation Brand Emoticon "F@ck"

This is a poem I wrote called "F@ck Boston"

Suck it in...
suckas
it's the smell of Spring.
Fungoes in bloom,
the Red Sox in perilous doom.

John Lackey is whack-y
he got smacked-y
like a cricket bat whacking a
wicked dust bunny...

Oh, yess... yessss Spring!
The Rays stepped on 'em
and swept the Sawx with a broom.

Carlos Pena,
puttin' you through pain, huh?
Why not pay Josh Beckett MORE money?
It's so wicked funny...

Ha Ha haaa haa ha.

Ha hahaaa yeah, that's what I said.


F@ck Boston.

F@ck the Celtics.

They're whatever Rasheed wants them to suck as bad as...

Garnett is toast begging to get buttered only to fall buttered side down in a pile full of bone-on-bone contact.

F@ck the Patriots.

Why?

Because the chicken crossed the road to rape, kill and eat the Easter Bunny. But only a split second before Bill Belichick was going to.

Slander? Hell yeah I'll slander Bill Belichick with all kinds of deluded methaphors and dream clouds in print. Nothing against the guy except for F@ck Bill Belichick! F@ck the entire franchise, their retired players not named Sam Cunningham, the current and future personnel and especially that repulsive logo.

And because my pet shrimp told me so. True story.

F@ck the Bruins. No one's afraid of you, you measly chumps.

I can't even feign interest in the Bruins. I'm serious. I tried to feign interest, but pitifully to NO avail, no regard and no measurable or distinctual change. They're the Bruins. Nothing to get excited about here.

F@ck Sam Malone, too. You know why.

Paul Revere made chamber pots, Ted Kennedy was addicted to rectal self-examinations and you Bostonians live in a sub-state. Massachusetts should be a county inside a Big Boy state, not a teeny, tiny, quiant, lace-ruffled pansy-derriered state that looks like the Iron Sheik's boots. F@ck Massachusetts (for the most part, I suppose). What did Massachusetts ever do right other than let itself get forced to free Maine out of it's grimy clutches?


And also.... Because I said so.

The New Curse is ON. Count it. Tick... tick... tick...

Daily "Linkin' Logs" Abject Failure Edition (10/28/08)

Could there be more of an abject failure at someone's job without any type of ramifications? Could any sport continue in success in spite of its incompetent commissioner (ah, Gary Bettman has ruined the NHL's success...and you thought he was the worst). As any major sporting league's leader ever singlehandedly ruined its all-star game, championship and integrity in one 15 year swoop?

That answer is yes. And that man is Allen Huber "Bud" Selig.

Now sports pundits have come out of Selig's side. Gene Wojciechowski says Bud got it right, no team should win on a rain out. John Kruk and Steve Phillps agreed. But finally Jayson Stark hit the nail on the head. Stark, drawing his on conclusions due to the lack of contact with any prominent Phillie (except Chase Utley), suggested the following reasons for the Phillies and all of Philadelphia (as well as baseball) to be upset:

• They were furious that this game wasn't stopped until Hamels had surrendered the tying run in the top of the sixth, even though the field had begun looking like a veritable Sea World attraction at least a half-hour earlier.
  
• They weren't happy that it was started in the first place, since glop had already begun falling out of the sky during batting practice and the worsening weather forecast was the No. 1 topic of pregame conversation -- just ahead of how many layers of clothing they were all going to have to wear to avoid frostbite.
  
• And, most of all, they were incensed by the whole situation -- having their best-laid World Series plans steamrolled by the needless rush to play a game in conditions more suitable for the Iditarod than the most important game of their careers.

The fact of the matter is, the Phillies and their fans were ransacked by Bud Selig's thirst for ratings. FOX's tainting of the game for its own thirst for advertising dollars and Mother Nature herself. At least there's one thing that can stop Cole Hamels.

• As a complete and utter aside, guess what just came out today. I'm a huge nerd that way, but this is going to be a great way to kill some cold and/or potentially rainy Saturdays.
  
• Al Sharpton has accused the New York Post of beign racist. Personally, I'd just accuse them of not really being a Newspaper. Anyways, the crux of the issue Steve Serby article regarding Tom Coughlin's actions against Plaxico Burress, specifically saying: "Good for Tom Coughlin. Good for Coughlin for tightening the noose around Plaxico Burress." I think its a loose relation at best. Perhaps collar would have been a better anecdote, but honestly, the fact of the matter is, Burress is really toeing the line and in terms of the Giants relationship with him, I don't really see an issue. Its not racist, because you could have applied it to any player in a similar situation.
  
• Bizarro World continues: The Titans beat the Colts last night. Now the Titans are undefeated and the Colts are below .500.
• On the good side...The Rays not only left Philly...they left Pennsylvania.
  
• A.J. Daulerio gives us his insight on Philly Fandom. Highlighted by this: "...the notion that this city's sports teams are perennially doomed to fail [could] reach a whole new level: This isn't a black cat or Bartman or Babe Ruth — this is GOD. Yeah, HE did this to us."
• And finally, EC gives us the 10 Silver Linings for Phillies fans.
  

The Bunk at The Bank

Ladies and Gentleman, you're witnessing history. An epic collapse...of Major League Baseball.

Bud Selig is a joke. The League is a joke.

Its not sour grapes because the Rays came back. Look, I understand not wanting to end the game on a rainout. I would not like to see my favorite team win a championship that way nor would I like to be on the other side (a la Tampa).

But waiting (through miserable weather) for Tampa to tie it seems a bit unfair as well.

Just a miserable position all around.

Bud Selig has just announced that the game has been officially postponed.

Good work MLB. You've come a long way since the All-Star Fiasco in Milwaukee and "This One Counts"

It's Beautiful. Why Must They Ugly It Up?

I have been priviledged to see the mercurial rise of the lowly "Devil Rays" and the blossoming of the new "It" team from very close and from far away. Sure I was shit-lucky in having Matt Silverman accidentally "win" me and my services. But I really did ask for it. I DARED someone to make me a Rays fan.

And I have LOVED every second of it!

I didn't Fear what the consequences were. Nor do I Fear the reality that is Here.

The Ugly Duckling has effectively shed it's downy chick feathers, has leapt from the nest of 5th place (hey, at least they were never WORSE than 5th!!!) and now swims gracefully atop the rising tide of the AL East. And the Swan is just learning how to preen it's beautiful feathers...
Yet, as quickly as a national media can corner a story ("Holy Crap! the Rays -blah, blah blah- for the first time in Franchise history!"), they can just as quickly smother it.

I have seen the following words in the afterglow of the national media spotlight:

"The Rays winning is BAD for baseball"

"I'm sick of hearing about the Rays, Rays, Rays"

"They're going to blow it anyway and be in last place by September"

Seriously.....?

Grapes can make a beautiful wine. Even a tasty red wine that Joe Maddon would have ready to un-cork in his office after another satisfactory win.

Grapes however can also be sour. Why must people thrash, flail and essential deny reality when it comes to CHANGE? Why does Fear thrive in a world where information and knowledge can be obtained faster than ever?

Face reality. Embrace reality. The Rays are Here. The Rays will continure to be Here and the Future of the AL East will revolve around the Continuation of what has already begun. This team wasn't built for 2008. This team was built for 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and beyond.

This team was built to be the New Atlanta Braves... to win perennially in a market oversaturated with poor attitudes and a long history of losing. Look at what the Braves did for the 20 years prior to 1991 and see if it reeks familiar.

There is no other team in baseball with more young, developing, talented pieces producing Now (a.k.a "Here"). There is NO team in the game with more prospective pieces that are developing and ready to be chips to fill the gaps and/or be traded to fill gaps.

The Rays have seriously built this team the Right way. The players play the Right way. They are building a foundation of high quality baseball for years to come.

I have to say, having the Rays become the sudden media darling has been a wonderful exercise in determining which national journalists are full of shit and which actually might know their shit...

If you think THAT is bad for baseball - well then maybe YOU are bad for baseball!!!!!

Go RAYS!!!!

- - - - - Manny Stiles, your brother in the fight against the ignorance...


P.S. - 9=8 minus 7 = We Are One Team

SI.com Calls it...Rays Going to Play Entire Regular Season Schedule

This little snipit is from SI.com’s John Donovan front page story today. Believe it or not, the Rays may be playing in September…coincidently, they’ll be doing it for the 10th time in franchise history.

Don’t blame Donovan, his article was coherent and thorough, but you’d think the other editors would at least reread a sentence before hitting the “Ok” button.

But more surprising is that Time Warner hasn’t allowed SI to go the way of CNN…Which is to allow publishing of stupid headlines and then when someone realizes their editor made a boo-boo, they slap a little “Buy a T-shirt of this so you have proof we’re dumbasses” on it and call it a day…

And I thought Capitalism was all charm…

More Like "Ray" Island

ESPN Sportsnation polls are always great for regional bias. Things like "Who's be best team in baseball" always leads to western states supporting the Dodgers (and Angels... I guess?) New York having a 75/25 Yankees-Mets split and New England (except for CT) giving us the Red Sox BJ.

But today, at a typical lazy day at ESPN, they asked the typical "Who had the Best Weekend" question, with the northeast and the west blowing 1-0 soccer games (ever see a 7-0 and no one giving a shit about women's golf. But the anomoly was alive and well with the yellow states...The Tampa Bay Rays are in first place. Florida voted for them (I guess that isn't surprising) and oddly enough middle America voted for them.

I will include the caveat that Wyoming was won by a landslide with a whopping 2 votes for the Rays versus 1 vote for Gay and 1 vote for Spain.

Middle America is Rays Country!

But amongst New England, A.K.A. Red Sox Nation there was one castoff (holding true to New England Tradition). Rhode Island stunningly voted for Tampa Bay (by 11% no less). Let's face facts here, when the entire population of Rhode Island votes for you (27 people), you know you've got something going...

So congrats to the Rays for finally vanquishing Red Sox Nation on the island...that isn't and island...

Next stop; Yankee Country!

Best Team in Majors??

Well, we are officially halfway through the 2008 MLB season, and we yes that's the, the Chicago Cubs, and Tampa Bay Rays are STILL their respective Division leaders. But of course, the American League continues to dominate the National League. Who is the best team in the Majors? Read on to find out.

The Candidates:

*Tampa Bay Rays (49-32; 1st in AL East)

Tampa has made the best start in their 10 year history, and, thanks to great hitting, and pitching the Rays have been in the mix all season. Rookie Evan Longoria leads the Rays with 15 homeruns, and 47 RBI's in 71 games this season. Tampa is the 12th highest scoring team in the Majors with 382 runs, and have the ninth highest team batting average. The team's pitching has been up there as well. In fact, the team's ERA is currently 3.69, fifth lowest in the League, and a .241 batting average against (good enough for second, behind the Oakland A's). A great combination of hitting, and pitching always wins games.

*Boston Red Sox (50-34; 2nd in AL East)

Slugger Manny Ramirez is on a cold streak, and injuries to pitchers have hit the Sox, but they have still managed to be the first team to reach 50 wins this season. The Sox are just a half game behind the leading Rays. The Sox have the second-best record at home (31-10), behind only the Chicago Cubs. Boston really knows how to score runs, which is, of course, the key to winning games. They are third in the league in runs scored with 424. Don't expect the Sox to allow Tampa to run away with the East.

*Chicago White Sox (46-35; 1st in AL Central)

Of all the Division leaders, I think the ChiSox may be the most surprising. They are on a four-game win streak, and just completed the sweep of the 49-33 Chicago Cubs last night. Chicago sure can hit for power, and are currently third in homeruns, with 109. The pitching has been fantastic recently, as well. The Sox are first in team ERA, and sixth in batting average against. The only threat to the Sox as of today, are the Minnesota Twins, who have won nine of their last ten games, and are just a game and a half back in the Central.

*Los Angeles Angels (49-33; 1st in AL West)

The best road team in the League hardly gets any publicity anymore. The Angels are as good as anyone right now, and if Vlad Guerrero keeps up his power surge, they could easily win the West. This team obviously doesn't score a whole lot of runs (24th in runs scored), but they find different ways to win games, and that's all that matters. If you look at it closely, you'll see their offense really hasn't been doing great at all. But, their pitching has succeeded, and pitching is just as important than hitting. I guarantee you the Angels will still be around in October.

*Chicago Cubs (49-33; 1st in NL Central)

Ah yes, the NL. Chicago was just swept by interstate rivals, the Chicago White Sox last night, but that doesn't take away from their first half success. First baseman Derek Lee, and third baseman Aramis Ramirez lead the Cubbies in hitting, which happens to be the second-highest scoring team in the League. But the Cubs are first in team batting average, and on base percentage, which are both very important in winning games. The pitching staff recently suffered a big blow to the head in the rotation when pitching ace Carlos Zambrano was placed on the DL. But they have learned to deal without him. They have done a pretty good job, too. They are tenth in team ERA, eighth in batting average against, and sixth in strikeouts. The Cubs will win the Central with no problem.

*St. Louis Cardinals (47-36; 2nd in NL Central)

Yes that's right, another team from the Central. I didn't feel the Phils (44-39; 1st in NL East), and D'Backs (41-41; 1st in NL West) were powerful enough to be mentioned on this elite list. With Albert Pujols back in the lineup, the Cards' hitting should sky-rocket. St. Louis is on a two-game win streak, and are just 2.5 games behind the Cubbies in the Central. The Cards' pitching has been pretty average this season, but their hitting has been doing pretty well. They are the ninth highest-scoring team in the League, and are fifth best in team batting average.

And the Winner is...

The Tampa Bay Rays!! You've gotta hand it to them, they've done an awesome job keeping up with the favorites, Boston. The young guys like Longoria, and B.J. Upton have had great half seasons, and Matt Garza, James Shields, and Andy Sonnanstine have had solid seasons in the rotation as well. Closer Troy Percival has had 21 save opportunities, and closed the deal in 19 of them. I don't think you could've asked for a better all-around performance from these guys.

Blogger Q&A: Manny Stiles

Name:

Erik Kombol

Nickname:

Manny Stiles th' Komillion

Favorite Sports Team:

Tampa Bay Rays

Favorite Player of all time:

(after myself?) King Kelly

Favorite food:

Lobsters stuffed with tacos

Favorite drink:

Lemonade (but if you mean "adult beverage", it's Patrón Añejo)

If you could take three things with you on a deserted island, what would they be?:

A motorboat, gas and GPS device.

Favorite word:

Thesaurus (did you know - it's NOT a kind of dinosaur?)

If you could be an animal, what animal would you be and why:

One of those cats that has a crazy millionaire owner that dies and left everything to me in their will. If I gotta lick myself to get clean, I want it all...

Favorite sporting moment of all time:

I can't narrow it down to just one. But I'm prominently involved in all of them.

What do you bring to the table?:

Voluminous wiles.

What do you take off the table?:

an empty plate - I don't mind cleaning my own dishes...

If you could have lunch with any three people in the world, who would it be and why:

My wife and two kids - they matter more than anyone to me. Besides, the other people I'd consider (Hunter S Thompson, Dorothy Parker and Joseph Campbell) are all dead. Who wants to have lunch with rotting corpses?

Describe yourself in one word:

freek (not "freak" - freek)

Favorite Sport and Why:

Fishing. Because you can fail more miserably at it than any other sport and still have a good time getting drunk. Plus you get to eat your final score.